Ryans Bed by Tijan

4.5 Stars!! 

"My face. My body. My heart -
it all went with her, because she was me.
My twin sister killed herself on June twenty-ninth.
We would've been eighteen the next day.” 

Mackenzie, her twin sister Willow, brother Robbie and parents, have just moved - due to her fathers new job. She doesn't know anyone or anything about the new place they now live. Mackenzie thinks she is just the normal sibling- just average, since her two siblings and parents are all extraordinary. And in Macs mind- shes less than. One day not too long after the move, Mackenzie's life is turned upside down when her twin sister Willow, commits suicide. 

Mac is the one who finds her- and she is completely void of emotion. She cant eat or think- everything seems to be falling apart around her. Then she finds herself in Ryan's Bed, a boy she barely knows. Her parents sent her and her brother to a friends, (Ryan's House) so that they could sort out all the details of the death. She ends up in his bed thinking it was his sisters- because its the only place she feels safe for whatever reason. 

I woke that morning in Ryan’s arms, I felt a little less crazy. I felt a little bit better. And I felt a little more whole.

I absolutely loved this story and the characters. Mac broke my heart the entire book because of the pain and dissociation she has with everything since losing her sister. I love Tijan - and this is one of her best yet. I love the way she writes such gripping characters. The kind you can feel along with. When the MCS are in pain you feel it too- You feel everything. 

Ryan was suchhhh a sweetheart!! I absolutely loved how amazing he was for her and how he was just everything she needed in the moment - no matter how crazy she was, he was right there helping and consoling her! Their chemistry was fabulous! 

This book was not easy to read, its about grief and what goes on in the person left behind after a suicide. There are some dark moments but also happy moments. Its filled to the brim with emotions. I overall- really enjoyed this one and Tijan continues to be one of my top Faves!